You can write, fine.
But if you want to be a published fiction writer, you must find your way
to a fictional style of writing. What’s
this thing–fictional style? It’s a way
of writing that employs the techniques of fiction for the goal of “streaming” (modern metaphor) your story to the reader. And there’s a big difference between basic writing
and “streaming.”
Below is a paragraph from a young writer in high
school. He wrote a novel, and his
teacher (bless her) reached out to me.
“Now what?” she asked. When I had
a moment I took a look and saw a few
things immediately. First, the kid has
the desire to write. He wrote a damn
novel–that’s an achievement. But it’s
“written”, not streamed. So the biggest
thing this young writer can do is work on his fictional style.
Student excerpt:
He ran as fast as he could. He
didn't think he had run this fast in a long time. He could hear the gun shots
ringing out. He even anticipated a few, dodging behind rocks and other debris
that could save him. The sun was beating down hard on him. Out of habit his
gaze went momentarily towards his watch. It was one thirty five in the
afternoon. "Not that late," he thought aloud. Just then a bullet
whizzed by his head and another blasted a rock by his foot. In response he
grabbed the revolver that was resting at his side and the crossbow that was
slung over his back. Turning around, Arcsen, now running backwards, aimed his
two weapons, and fired. The pistol only hit one of his pursuers in the shoulder.
The bolt, however, hit its mark.
My rewrite:
He ran. Gun shots pinged as he dodged behind rocks, debris, anything that could
save him. The sun hammered down–he found a moment to look at his watch–it was
one thirty-five in the afternoon.
“Not that late,” he breathed. A bullet hissed passed his head. Another blew up a rock near his foot. He grabbed his revolver from his holster, and
snatched his crossbow slung over his back.
Turning, he ran backwards as he aimed his weapons and fired. His pistol shot blew skin from a pursuer’s
shoulder–he went down. The bolt missed
its mark….
My Comments for him:
“You story
has everything you need, but your goal now should be toward a stronger
fictional style. This means “showing” as
opposed to telling/explaining. That is,
try to eliminate all topic sentence generalities in favor of tightly described
action—just the action, and action that avoids clichés such as “the bullet
whizzed.” Also try to eliminate all
weak verb constructions such as “was running” (use “ran”) and most all adverbs. Adverbs often end in ‘ly—kill those suckers. In short, learning fictional style is a
matter of practice, practice, practice—plus laying your prose alongside that of
a published writer, and examining how the two examples are different. I can’t take time to read your whole
manuscript; I get a LOT of requests for such editing, and if I did them all,
I’d never write again. Your job now is
to take a close look at your fictional style. I hope my brief re-write example will
be useful in that regard.
Good Luck"
(P.S. The student
wrote back, all excited, and said, “I’m on it!”)
